Between Ice and Fire
by Traveling Moon
Summary: Continuation of 'Between a Rock and a Hard Place'. Mostly one-shots of when Kamui comes over to visit Kagura and Okita after 9 years. By then, Kagura and Okita have gotten married and are living together. One-shots may include jealous Kamui throwing his temper, Kagura and Okita going on their Honeymoon, Kagura touring around Joui factory, and Okita setting Gintoki's hair on fire.
1. Chapter 1

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter 1 Brother-in-laws are shits!**

Okita Sougo was relaxing in front of his own house by sipping tea when a spaceship landed in his front yard.

It was five exactly five thirty in the morning when this unforeseeable event happened.

_Talk about bad mornings… _Okita thought and sighed. Having a spaceship invading your house first thing in the morning can never be a good omen. Not to mention that the spaceship looked awfully similar to a certain terrorists' group spaceship.

Then, sure enough, the orange- headed alien stepped out of the ship with a dark smile casted on his face. With each step closer to the police officer, Kamui's smile darkened into a grimly frown. Okita got up from his seat and unsheathe his katana.

There was barely any light to be seen, but Okita can still feel the swift movement of his enemy's umbrella as it smashed down on the front porch. Small pieces of woods were sent flying everywhere. Okita drew his katana at a deadly speed and deflected any harm coming his way with his high levelled skills. Kamui clicked his tongue and shoot bullets out recklessly, some went into the trees and some went through Okita's shoji.

"Oh…" Okita said when he noticed the bullets making their way inside his house, "I wouldn't do that if I were you…"

The light inside his house flickered on almost immediately. The sadist police officer rubbed his temple and shoots Kamui a 'see-I-told-you' look. Before the mighty space pirate will have any respond to that, another orange-headed alien kicked down the holed shoji and walked out of Okita's house.

Still in her pajamas, Kagura's long hair tangled around her face. The young women groaned with one hand scratching her back and another hand keeping three bullets between her fingers. The scariest of all would be her face, crumbled with her lazy-morning mood and anger of being disturbed in her sleep. Okita knew that look on his wife's face all too well and was ready to take shelter when his China spat out harsh words her in Chinese Mafia's accent.

"You do know that this is five thirty in the morning, yes?! So why the hell are you guys making such a chaos in front of my house?!"

"S… sister dear…" Kamui lowered his weapon and looked at his beloved little sister, now all curvy and... Hell, bouncy. Kagura turned to her brother and her eyes beamed out red laser. If looks could kill, Kamui would be dead.

"No! There will be no 'sister dear' or anything like that until you shut up and start cleaning the bullets in my house. By the way, one of it went through my futon, so you guys have got to do something about that too."

"Look, China. This is all you brother's fault. I was just sipping tea in peace when…"

"Now that we are married, he is _your_ brother in law. You are also responsible for this! Clean up and scram! Sadist, don't bother coming home to night if the shoji is not fixed by then. And you, you son of a bitch, if you think that by calling me _sister dear _after wrecking my house will help you with anything, you are dead wrong. Get that big ass spaceship of yours out of the front yard in half an hour or else you are dead!"

With that being said, Kagura stomped back inside; swearing and kicking pieces of woods along the way. The two men stared after her for a long time and looked at each other with blank faces.

"So…" Okita put away his katana. "You might want to start saving up money to buy a new futon for her."

"Okay." Kamui agreed as he stabbed the tip of his umbrella into the ground. "You might want to fix the shoji. Now."

And that was the beginning of their touching reunion after 9 years. Very touching, indeed.

* * *

**Hi guys!**

**The first chapter is kind of short because I want to give you guys a small glimpse of what my one-shots are going to be about. These one-shots will have no solid plot in them and is mostly humour and small romance between Okita and Kagura (and Kamui getting in the way).**

**If you haven't read 'Between a Rock and a Hard Place' yet, I recommend you do, because this is the sequel of it.**

**PLEASE COMMENT AND REVIEW!**

**See you soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter 2 People are bitches when they are drunk**

Kamui sat down on the chair with his elbow propped under his chin and his eyes darting around the house restlessly. One moment, he was watching his eternal enemy, Okita Sougo turning on the TV. Another moment, he was looking at his sister as she inhaled her food. With his eyes narrowed, Kamui opened his mouth and started to speak.

"So… You guys are seriously married now?"

"Finally! I thought that we would never be able to make a breakthrough to you." Okita said and turned his head around with that little smug on his face. "We've been married for like, three years now. Right, China?"

"Really? It felt like a thousand years of suffering already." Kagura replied and took in more food. Okita just smirked as he mumbled something under his breath.

"… Even though all you ever feel is pleasure…"

"Shut up!" Kagura yelled as she threw her spoon across the room. Okita deflected it easily and stalked out of the room before the rice cooker can hit his head. Kamui frowned at this sight.

He has been living in his sister's house for two days now, just to observe things and make sure that he was not being trolled again like the last time. After he is finally convinced of this fact, there is nothing Kamui can do except to watch this painful scene and burned it in his eyes.

Fact: Kagura, his one and only little sister, is married to a scumbag.

"Time to go to bed, China." Okita called from outside of the room. For some reason, this guy seemed to be able to know every little thing about Kagura. The Yato woman looked at the clock, yawned, and jumped off the chair.

"I want the left side of the bed this time." She said.

… _What? _Kamui froze. He watched his sister walking out of the room and started to comprehend things she just said.

_Wait… Are they sleeping together?!_

"Stop! Stop right there!" Kamui yelled after them. The married couple stopped walking in the hall way and turned around to look at the angry older brother with curious in their eyes.

"What?"

"Are you… SLEEPING TOGETHER?!"

"No duh." Okita answered and put his arm around Kagura who is busy picking rice out of her hair. He smirked evilly. "You can't possibly think that we just play card games and fall asleep while reading each other a bedtime story, right?"

"Nah… wha…"

"I mean, come on. My sex drive is really extreme right now, dude. I haven't slept with her for two nights because you are here."

"You… You… violated…"

"Your sister." Okita finished the sentence for Kamui and gently tugged his wife way from the hall way. He walked in his room, smiled, smirked, laughed, grabbed Kagura's butt, got hit twice, and closed the door.

The too-stunned-to-move Kamui was left to stand alone in the hollow hall way.

* * *

"I mean, can you believe it?! How did they even get together in the first place?!" Kamui howled at the lazy Samurai who is sprawling on the couch with JUMP magazine covering his face. Gintoki sighed and picked his nose.

"God knows. Those two are like the combination of hell+ underworld. Their destructive power was too strong; we couldn't prevent their marriage and the possible super steroid babies. Wait… what are you doing in my house?"

"How come I never heard anything about this marriage up until a week ago?" Kamui asked, ignoring the last part. He'd then settled down on the floor with his legs crossed. The marriage invitation actually just reached him about one week ago, after it was sent out for three years. Kamui hurried to Earth in hope of preventing this marriage, but it was too late to do anything.

"Maybe it is because you traveled around in space too much. It's like one of those good / bad luck episodes in life where you reach down to tie your shoes lace and miss the chance of running into a hot girl. You might have missed the wedding, but you are lucky you didn't know and didn't come. Have I told you about what they served at the marriage ceremony yet?"

"What was it, Samurai-san?"

Gintoki made a grossed out face behind his magazine and spat. "The only freaking food there was Sukonbu. The cake… that damn cake I stuffed in my mouth before I have any time to think… was mainly made of Tobacco sauce. Seriously, what an insult to cake kind!"

Kamui rolled around on the floor while listening Gintoki babbled about cake and honour. In his mind, he felt the surge to walk back into the house and murder the damn Earthling. Feeling the old murderous power overwhelming inside him, Kamui tried to press them down and reached for a bottle of sake on the table. He tipped it up and took a big gulp.

"Oi, are you sure you are okay to…" The lazy silver-haired started and then pause when the youngster reached for the next bottle beside it. "You'd better stop right there! How much money do you think I spent buying those? Now that your sister is no longer sucking the life out of my wallet, I can finally have some money to relax… wait, that's you fourth one! Stop!"

But Kamui hadn't listened to a word the Samurai was saying. He kept throwing one shot after another in his mouth to forget about his sister's marriage life and how he wanted to kill the groom.

After the sixteenth bottle, everything went blank.

* * *

_Ding-dong~_

Went the sound of Abuto's doorbell. Abuto curled himself in his warm bed and opened his eyes slightly, looking at the blizzard outside his window of his new planet. The snowstorm hadn't let up in the past few days, and the TV broadcast said that this might just be the strongest snowstorm in the history of Arashi (Strom) planet.

_Two- fifty five, _He thought when he looked at the clock above his head and groggily buried himself in his warm blanket. _It must have been my imagination. Who the hell would be out in the snowstorm_ _late at night?_

_Ding-dong~_

_Ignore it, Abuto. _Said his inner voice, not wanting to move away from his warm bed. _Just go back to sleep! The only type of people out there must be suicidal!_

_Ding-dong~_

_Ding-dong~_

_Ding- Ding- Ding- Ding- _

"What the fuck?!" Abuto cursed angrily and rubbed his eyes. Throwing his body out of his bed, Abuto slipped his hand in the small space near his night table and drew out his parasol, ready to smash the idiot who dared disturbed what little peace he has in life. He stumbled along the dark hall way, dragged his feet on the cold floor and reached for the door, ready to strike a blow.

On the opposite side of the door, an orange antenna swayed back and forth in the dry wind. In Abuto's sight was no suicidal… but a drunkard.

Who happened to be Abuto's Commander.

"Abuto, Abuto, listen to me… My sister… she married…a ... a…"

Abuto noticed how his commander's eyes are no longer in a curve, smiley line that everyone who watched the anime was used too. Instead, they were flat straight lines. The tip of Kamui's nose was slightly red and in his hand was a cracked bottle of liquor covered in blood.

The subordinate immediately slammed his door shut. The commander is now in his third drunk stage, the whiny stage. Abuto knew that because the first and second stage involved blood, which must have already been spilled from whoever is near Kamui at the time. Possibly from the one who gave him liquor, or maybe even innocent pedestrians.

Unfortunately for Abuto, Kamui managed to stick one of his feet in the door. Pulling the door knob harder for his survival, Abuto wondered, _why is he drunk? Who let him drank? Why is he in front of me during my vacation time?!_

"Abuto, hear me out! My sister is married and the guy is a scumbag and I want to kill him and I think we need the cannon and I don't know how to start the cannon and I want to kill him with bare hands more and I want to make him break up with my sister and I want her to come back home with me and I don't know how to do that and in general I just need your help!"

"Taichou… What the fuck?! Is that why you traveled all the way from Earth to here?!"

"Abuto, you've gotta… gotta… help me!"

That was the moment when Abuto saw Kamui's pale hand grabbing on to the door frame. With the last desperation, Abuto shouted, "JUST GIVE HER SUKONBU OR SOMETHING!"

The force that was pulling on the opposite side of the door halted. Kamui's foot and hand disappeared and the joyful yelp was heard.

Kamui has entered his stage four of drunkenness, the happy-go-lucky stage.

"Wow, Abuto! You're right! My sister loves them! If I give them to her, then she should come back with me!"

With that said, Kamui skipped - with laughter and idiotic smiles plastered on his face- back to his spaceship which was parked not too far away and lifted the spaceship up in to the blizzard. Abuto watched as the spaceship swayed scarily side to side for few times, and finally disappeared into the frenzy.

Relieved, Abuto let go of the door knob. He was ready to walk back to his warm, dry room when the wood gave away from being pulled on by the strongest alien race in the universe and the door flew out in the snowstorm. Cold wind and snow immediately spilled into the hall way, soaking Abuto and his pajamas in coldness.

The poor man wear on a blank expression as he watched his door slammed into someone's house. Forcing hot tears and frustration down, he picked up his boots and jacket to retrieve to door which is now making its way across the town, crashing into somebody else's window.

_Things never go right when that damn Taichou is around. Never._

* * *

By the time Kamui made it back to his sister's house, it was nearly dawn. Drowsy, hangover and has no recollection of what happened to him in the past 8 hours, Kamui collapsed on the floor in the storage room.

_This sucks… it sucks so much! Life is not fair! I think I will have to ask advice from Abuto soon._

He rolled over to lie down on his back. Then, Kamui caught something out of ordinary in there. Two wooden boxes, one with locks on it, were stacked neatly under the old books. He got up and picked up one with a name tag 'Kagura' on it and easily destroyed the lock out of curiosity. Prying the lid open, Kamui saw the letters he had sent her many years ago inside.

They were folded neatly and have marks of being read over so many times. Under his letters, Kamui discovered letters that his sister wrote to him but never sent them out. He has never felt so touched before in his whole entire life.

"Sister dear~" Kamui dashed out of the room, intending to go see his sister and give her a hearty hug right that moment, but tripped over the other wooden box with the name tag 'Okita' on it. The box tipped over and the lid flew open, spilling the contents inside on the floor.

At first, Kamui wasn't sure what it was. He squinted his eyes, rubbed them, and looked again.

Condoms. Lots of them.

A horror smile spread across Kamui's face. He stomped out of the storage room and headed towards the bedroom where his sister and the perverted police were currently sleeping in.

"EARTHLING, DIE!"

The sun rises, signaling another messy day for the three of them.

* * *

**Well, here's that! This chapter is hard to write because I'm potraying the characters in the grown up way which we rarely see, and the only time we see them is when they are warts. But oh well!**

**I'll see you guys when I update again!**

**PLEASE COMMENT/ REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter 3 Bromance may cause misunderstanding like how this title is causing one now**

This morning is just as normal as any other mornings at the Okita's households. Okita and Kamui fell in their normal morning routine: Fighting.

With his wife still asleep inside their room, Okita tried to be as quiet as possible. He tip- toed across the kitchen floor into the living room where there was more space and slapped his butt to provoke the other red-head who was chasing after him with a scary smile on his face. Kamui, upon seeing this action, can no longer contain his overflowing anger and decided to fire bullets round in the house.

"Your monstrous sister is going to wake up and kill us." Okita taunted and deflected the bullets easily. He thought he was gaining the upper hand and was feeling quite in bliss, when his elbow accidently bumped into something behind him, and the object staggered and fell off from its shelf.

Normally, Okita wouldn't even care. But this time, something certainly felt odd. Since he married Kagura, Okita learned that things in his house would not last long due to their destruction ability. Therefore, he avoided buying anything expensive, even for decorations. So why does that object make such an expensive sound as it crashed to the ground? Okita turned around to see what exactly fell, and then his eyes widened in horror.

"Stop… Hang on!" The police officer shouted to Kamui and crouched to the floor, picking through pieces of the object. Kamui lowered his weapon and walked toward Okita with a small smile.

"What, are you afraid? Giving up? Are you finally submitting to me, Earthling?"

"Oh… Oh, shit." Okita mumbled and sighed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kamui asked, honestly curious now that his rival is turning all blue. Okita rose up a piece of something golden and handed it to Kamui. His face was full of bitterness.

"You know that I avoid buying anything expensive, right?" He asked. Kamui nodded as he flipped a piece of something golden in his hand.

"Ah, that's explains why every furniture in this house is so crappy… go on."

Okita closed his eyes. "That piece you're holding is a real gold. We had just broken China's golden vase."

Kamui nearly dropped what he was holding. His eyes widened in surprise.

"What… Why the hell would you have a gold vase in your house when you just said that you don't buy anything expensive?!"

"It is not mine! You think that I would be as stupid and rich as to buy a freaking gold vase? I don't even need it in my house!"

_True, _Kamui thought, _he can't even effort to buy a new damn futon for himself. Not to mention good quality condoms._

"And? What makes this vase so special other than the fact that it was made out of gold? My sister is a mother of destruction, for God's sake. She won't even care…"

"This was our wedding gift." Said Okita quietly. He glanced at the door, afraid that his wife might burst through it anytime soon. "There is more to this vase than just gold. The one who got this vase for us was Soyo- hime, Shogun's little sister and your sister's best friend."

"Oh, fuck. I will just tell her that you did it by yourself." Said Kamui with a light smile. Okita grimaced and smirked.

"You think I would let you do that? My last breathe is going to be your dead sentence."

Kamui stared back. He wanted to kill-off Okita at that time, but any more ruckuses could cause his sister to wake up. The only thing he managed through his smiling snarl was, "Fuck you."

"I'm going to write a will. I suggest you do the same." Okita said and walked straight to his desk. He took out a pen and started writing while reading aloud, "to whichever masochist reading this letter, I died by my wife's hands. She murdered me brutally for breaking her gold vase. My partner in crime was Kamui. By the time you get to read this letter, both of us are probably already in our caskets. Please acknowledge that all my money shall be spend for the 'Sadist for life' organizations across the world. None shall belong to my wife, China… cross that, her name is Kagura. I know that she would probably use that money to buy pretty dress and go out with another guy, so no money shall go to Kagura Yato. I repeat: All the money shall go to…"

"Are you writing a will, a suicide note, or a story of your life?" Kamui asked, getting real irritated for he could not find in his heart, the right word to put down on his paper. Should his money go to his crews or should he donate to the 'Sadist for life' organizations too? No. If he were to do that, then this Earthling will find out that they are actually a member of the same organization, and Kamui can't bear the thought of that. Just being in the same house and going in the casket at the same time as this guy is more than enough, thank you very much.

"Who cares? We are dead. We will depart the world of the living as soon as your sister gets up and finds out… Unless some sort of miracle happens."

Kamui paused and suddenly jumped on his feet. _That's right! We don't have to die! Writing a will is too much of a pain in the ass, so all we have to do is make miracles!_

"Earthling! Hurry up and clean the pieces! We are going to live to see the sun rise tomorrow!" He exclaimed excitedly. Okita looked up from his paper and raised his eye brows.

"You have a plan?"

Kamui smiled. He never ran out of plans.

* * *

Actually, the one who never ran out of plans was Abuto. Kamui realized that twenty minutes after standing out on the street with Okita. Feeling awkward, he tilted his head to the side and suggested, "we could go visit Abuto at the Arashi planet. I'm sure he will be willing to help… maybe."

"So you don't have a plan, except relying on your subordinate who is on the other planet at the God-knows-how-far-off distant. Great. Awesome. Could you give me a second to go back and finish signing my will? They might not take it as official if there is no signature…"

Kamui grabbed Okita's arm forcefully. He wanted the Earthling dead, but if this dude died and his will goes around, Kagura may come chasing after him too. Not a bad idea, really. Too bad his sister won't be coming to him with a smile full of love, but frown full of rage instead. The idea might have been cute, if not for his deformed corpse as the conclusion.

"Come on. Can we just use some money and buy a new vase? She won't notice a thing. Your life saving might come in handy at a time like this if you are going to have no future anyway."

"My life savings," Okita started and yanked his arm free. He faced Kamui and laughed darkly like he no longer cares about life. "Was spent on the house repair last week after you tried to assassinate me in my sleep."

"… Oh…"

Okita looked around the busy street of Edo, feeling like suicide might be a better choice than dying at Kagura's hands. "What about you? You are a Space Pirate. You should have tons of money, right?"

"Yeah…" Kamui closed his eyes thoughtfully, but then shook his head. "But I let Abuto handle all that crap. I don't even know my ATM account."

"Do you ever do anything by yourself?! You spoiled young master!" Okita retorted with one of his evil eyes. Kamui stepped back, looking offended.

"Why the fuck should I remember some digits that may or may not save my life in the future?! In the first place, it was all your fault for breaking that vase and then threatened to drag me down to hell with you. Going to hell with you is the last thing I will do!"

With that, the two of them began to fight again. Soon enough, the street broke into chaos and the Shinsengumi arrived at the scene full of destruction. The vice commander who stepped out of his car was unlucky enough to get hit by some random bricks that flew his way. Blood was trickling down his face when he spotted the main cause of this problem.

One of them happened to be his subordinate.

"Oi, Sougo! You are supposed to be the guy who protects peace here, why the hell are you… Ow, what the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Okita jumped on Hijikata's face and up the roof of the police's car. "Hope you don't mind, Hijikata-san. I just remembered something that might save my life, so I'm kind of in a hurry here. Though, stepping on your ugly face gave me quite a pleasure."

"You bastard! Let me get your little ass down here…"

Before Hijikata can utter another word, the red-headed alien stepped on his face (again) and dashed after Okita. "Oopsie. Sorry, but this involve my life too. Hang on, Earthling! Where is the Shogun Palace again?!"

"Are you a gold fish or what?! Just follow me so we can ask the princess for a new vase!"

The two potential criminals sped away. Leaving the rest of the police forces and innocent bystanders in chaos.

"Oh, my God! They are going to kill the Shogun's sister!" Yelled some panicking pedestrians. Hijikata got up, with one hand over his bleeding face and his eyes filled with fury, he barked out his command.

"Get those two assholes back here right now! I want to see some seppuku today KORA!"

"Yes sir!"

The siren wailed away. Kagura covered her ears with her pillow and tossed comfortably under the blanket.

_Why the hell is it so noisy outside but so quiet inside?_

Wondering that, she decided to go back to sleep a while longer.

* * *

**Meanwhile, at the Shogun's palace:**

"So that's why you came here, Okita-san, Kamui-san." Soyo- hime concluded gently and set down her tea cup. Okita nodded. Kamui yawned.

"So, think you can do anything to help us out, princess?" Kamui asked. Soyo- hime put her hand over her mouth and giggled for he reminded her of her best friend she had not seen in a long time.

"But of course." She replied and got to her feet. Then, she turned around and talked to her two attendants. "If you would please bring me the Rising Dragon gold vase, Sakami, Tetsuya."

The two attendants nodded and walked out of the room to find the Rising Dragon gold vase, wherever it is. The princess settled down one more time and turned her attention to Okita with a smile on her face.

"I hope that Kagura-chan is doing well. By the way, since you asked me for a favor, I'm wondering if I could do the same."

"What do you desire that you do not already have?" Okita asked curiously. She lives in the Palace and her life is a bliss compared to some others. What _can't_ they give her here?

Soyo- hime smiled tucked at the corners of her lips. "Well, things around here are pretty tight, as you can see. Security guards and restrictions of objects can be pretty… strict. I know I'm asking a lot, but can you please smuggle in some ****** and *** and book of 'how to fake death' and **** ***. Some fake blood and landmines would be greatly appreciated. Also, some *********** DVD, ropes and whips, if you guys would be so kind. I'll pay for all of it and let's call it equal."

Kamui suddenly seemed interested. "Woman, what is your name?"

"Deal. I will get those stuff to you as soon as possible." Okita nodded. Then, the three shook hands as if they had just finished dealing drugs. The door slid open and the two panting attendants ran in with the gold vase that looked identical to the one Okita had at home.

"Princess, the Shinsengumi are here to look for two suspects that maybe planning to assassinate you! I think that these two might…"

"Nonsense! You shall not disgrace my honour and my guests (and *** dealers)." The princess got the vase and handed it to the two guys. She smiled brightly and nodded to the right side of the Palace. "There seems to be some sort of misunderstanding. Over there is an emergency underground passage. Please use it if you need to and I expect to receive my sadist tools… I mean, delivery soon."

"Thanks and wait for the stuff. The 'Sadist for life' organization shall back you up fully on supplies to practice our believe in others' pain." With that said, Okita and Kamui sprinted out of the room toward the passage, for they do not want to risk breaking the vase again.

When they arrived back at the house, Kagura was up, looking moody and grumpy on her kitchen stool. "Where the hell were you guys?"

"Shopping." Kamui replied and sneaked the vase behind him, passing it on to Okita quietly. "We were having our… you know, moments. Bromance… is some important stuff."

Kamui choked on the word 'bromance' and Okita looked like he may hurl on poo on Kamui anytime soon. Kagura eyed them suspiciously, but did not comment any further and turned back to her breakfast. Okita took the chance to place the gold vase down on its shelf, then exhaled in relieve.

"By the way, I notice that the vase was gone… oh, it's back. Did you guys take it out?"

Okita's and Kamui's body tensed. "Ah, we… took it out for cleaning… right…?"

"Yes, yes we did, indeed. It looked like it could use some… some… scrub."

_The correct terminology would be 'polish'. _Okita sent Kamui the look. Kamui was about to kick him in the teeth when Kagura interrupted them.

"You shouldn't have. Such a waste of money. We could have just thrown it away."

Okita and Kamui froze. Couldn't believe what they had just heard.

"Hang on a moment, sister dear." Kamui stuttered. "Was that not a gift from your princess friend?"

Kagura drank water. "Hmm? No, of course not. What are you, dumb?"

"Wait, China." Okita walked to his wife and looked in the eyes solemnly. "I thought that Soyo- hime gave it to you on our wedding day?"

"Ah, that." The Yato woman waved her hand in the air. "I put it on the storage room since the second night we got together. I just know that it was going to break out here, so I put the fake one I bought form Chinatown on the shelf. Looks pretty real, no?"

…

_- Please wait as the author must put up censorship, for the reaction may cause harm to your computers, tablets, electronic devices, androids, eyes, body, and your surroundings-_

From that day on, whether anyone may notice it or not, the value of Okita household went up by many billion yens.

…And the word 'bromance' was forbidden to use in sight or hearing rage of Kamui and Okita ever again.

* * *

**Hello, you guys!**

**It's been sorta long since I updated, but that's because these are all one-shots, so I figured that they don't need to be updated consecutively. And thank you to those of you who reviewed. You make updating fanfics a lot more entertaining than it is suppose to be, even if I enjoy writing the fanfic already.**

**What do you think of this chap? Please let me know.**

**COMMENT AND REVIEW, PRETTY PLEASE!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter 4.1 (Part 1) Eh? Work? Screw you, I'm lonely! **

"Kagura, are you free next week?" Asked the silver-haired Samurai who was forgotten since the second chapter, Gintoki. He was picking his nose as usual, watching TV as usual, and then rubbed his snot on the Yato woman's shirt as usual. Kagura picked her own nose and wiped her snot right back at his head.

"Think so. Why?"

Gintoki did not reply right away, but instead, scratched his butt and flicked whatever germs that maybe stuck on his fingers at Kagura. The woman returned that favor by spitting in her hands, rubbed them, and used her saliva as a gel to set his natural perm straight.

All those disgusting actions were caught by Shinpachi, the member of the trio who was making a distasteful face.

"That is so uncivilized. Can you two please stop?"

"Why, Patsuan? Sharing is caring, you know?"

"At this rate you two are just going to share germs and sickness! If you are going to share, why not share me salary or help me with a share of cleaning up?"

"Aw," Kagura made a face and rolled to her side on the floor. Even after she got married, she still works here to keep the anime going. After all, they _need _a cute heroine mascot like her, in case Makoto-chan (the half men half horse dude) ever needs a dead lady on its back again. "Stop bitching, Shinpachi. Are you a pregnant or what? Are pregnancy contagious?"

"I can't get pregnant just because my wife is! Pregnancy is not contagious!" Shinpachi pointed out, his face turning red at this unfamiliar topic. Gintoki made a you-lucky-dog-I-know-you-are-trying-to-brag-at-me- because-I-don't-have-a-wife-yet-so-don't-pretend-t o-be-shy face while Kagura just snorted.

"Thank God for that. Otherwise I might have to stay away from this place for a little while or Sadist will go on another jealous rampage again like the last time he thought I was pregnant due to contagiousness."

"Your husband gets jealous over every little freaking thing. So does your brother. More like, don't you guys know anything about human nature? How stupid are you?" Said Gin, remembering the last time Okita came to his place a little over 6 months ago (before Kamui showed up) because he thought pregnancy was contagious and that somebody infected his wife with the pregnancy disease. Then he sat up and twisted over to the side. "Talk about going away, I think we might be going on a business trip to Osaka next week. Remember when we went away to that haunted inn? It is something similar to that, just does not involve ghosts, stands, and old ladies."

"Really? Are you serious?!" Kagura sprang up, big smile spreading across her face. "Wow! I haven't gone on business trip in such a long time! I want to go! I want to go!"

"That sounds great," Shinpachi scratched his head, smiling shyly, "but my wife…"

"The gorilla woman will take care of your wife. Let them have time to create sisterly bonds without you offering tea every two minutes might be a good idea. Last time, they were complaining that you were fussing over little things too much and that they needed a break from you."

"They said that?!"

"No duh. I'm trying to save your life from your sister here, Shinpachi-kun." Gintoki nodded to himself. Shinpachi took his time and started thinking. Kagura urged on.

"Come on. Once your glasses kid is born, we might not get to go on a trip together again. You'll be busy at the eye doctor's office, trying to find the right prescription for your child's glasses."

"Why is it already determined that my child is going to wear glasses?!"

"That should be obvious, Patsuan." Gin said, sitting up straight for once to walk to his desk and rumbled through his desk. "Both you and your wife wear glasses. These kinds of things are passed down genetically. I've long given up the hope of giving my own kids a straight hair."

"That's right. Give up like a loser that you are and come with us on the trip!" Kagura said.

Shinpachi scratched his head before sighing. "Okay, fine."

That was the moment when Gintoki finally found what he was looking for. He pulled out a piece of paper and showed it to everybody. "So, the job starts on Monday next week until God-knows-when because things never go according to our plan. This is the place we are going to. Kagura, come meet us here in the morning and don't be late by taking a stroll, even for cute boys, okay?"

"Yahoo!" Kagura shouted with joy. She jumped off her seat and grabbed her parasol from she put under the couch. "Well, I should get going! I'm going to pack sukonbu and sukonbu and more sukonbu!"

"We are not eating that for God-knows-when because things never go according to our plan! At least have some common sense to pack some calcium and strawberry, you idiot. CALCIUM IS ALL WE NEED!"

"Gin-san, you are not making much sense."

"Shut it, Patusan. A pair of glasses shouldn't try to correct me!"

Kagura took the opportunity to skip along and walked to the front door happily. A break from her stupid brother and her retarded husband is something she can never decline. Sure, Gintoki and Shinpachi are both idiots, but at least they don't always do background check on every guys she speak with. The Yato woman was putting on her shoes when Shinpachi suddenly called out to her.

"Kagura-chan, don't forget to tell Okita-san about this trip, okay?!"

Kagura paused. _Aw, shit, _she thought. Even after they got married, Kagura held her pride as a Yato and an independent woman as her number one priority. Besides, the chances that Sadist and Stupid Kamui will let her go without them going with are even slimmer than Okita's condoms. They would never let her have her own time in peace.

Screw it. She is a capable woman who can go on business trips! She will do whatever she god damn please!

"Sadist is busy with work next week, he won't even notice that I'm gone, so don't worry. See you losers next Monday!"

* * *

**Next week… (Monday)**

Okita Sougo woke up, only to find that his lazy wife had disappeared from their bed. The coldness that replaced her spot indicated that she has been long gone. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up, waiting to hear the reassuring crashing sound from her and her brother usual fights anytime soon. Strangely, the house is quiet like never before. He could hear the clock that he never knows existed before ticking.

"China?" Okita got out of bed and headed toward the kitchen. There, is wife is nowhere to be found on her chair, eating food, or even around the fridge. Looking around, Okita spotted an orange head standing at the living room door. He was about to tease her as usual when he realized that the person there was not his wife, but her freeloading older brother, Kamui.

Kamui yawned. The moment he noticed that things were in their usual place (instead of flying everywhere like how they do every morning), his antenna twitched and he immediately detected that something was wrong. Horribly wrong. "Where is my dear sister, you son of a bitch?"

"That's what I would like to know, you scumbag. Where is my wife?"

The two looked around the house. Silence was their answer.

Kamui stared at the clock. "It is only 8:30 in the morning. Where could she be?"

"China?" Okita called, started to feel irritated and worried. He looked at the table and saw a note there. Quickly, he picked it up and unfolded the paper.

_- I'm leaving, Kagura – _

Kamui peered over Okita's shoulder. He grasped. Then, started laughing evilly. "OH, MY GOD! My sister dumped you! She dumped you! Hahahahaha! I've been waiting for this fateful day! I'm going to pack my things and meet my sister back at our home planet, so good luck to you, Earthling. Remarry and give birth to some steroid babies, yeah? When they are old enough, I'll fight them! Until then, so long…"

Okita did not wait for a moment to walk back into his bedroom and grabbed his clothing. He stomped into the bathroom and came out fully dressed and ready in a few moments after. His expression remained unreadable. Shrugging his coat on, he opened the door to the closet which was quite empty because Kagura's stuff were gone. The man picked up his katana and moved to the front door.

"Um, Earthling? What are you doing?" Kamui asked, feeling amused. Then he spotted one look on Okita's face and halted.

"Your sister_ may_ have left, but that doesn't mean that she'll go back with you. She might have found some _other guy _and think of how long it will take for you to track her down this time." His face darkened with dark aura and he gritted his teeth together at the word 'other guy'. Kamui finally considered that possibility and ran back to his room. A few minutes after, he was refreshed and has his parasol slung over his shoulder. Standing side by side with their hated in-laws, the two grimaced at the door with small, irritated smile tucked at the corners of their lips

"Do you have any idea who the bastard maybe?" Kamui asked grimly.

"A few."

"Name one."

"The ugly giant bastard of a fucking prince who was her first boyfriend. I heard he discovered the other side of himself and wanted to marry the Father from the church, though."

"My sister can never sink that low. Name another one."

"… The dick-face guy from the Yagyuu clan who tried to hurt her many years back. Well, I interrupted him first by hitting him… everywhere in the body. I'm guessing that he is impotent now."

"My sister isn't a masochist. She doesn't like to be whipped around by guys, especially impotent guys. She got her cute sadist genes from me."

"I'm also a Sadist and we hooked up…. I never got to whip her around. It is usually the opposite."

"…I don't appreciate you bragging your and my sister's sex life in front of me. Do you wish to die, Earthling?"

"No. I want my wife back."

"…"

"…"

"Since we have the same goal, I guess can put that topic aside for now."

"Good." Okita said. His hand reached for the door knob. "The only place we can go to for now is… well, Danna's."

* * *

Standing at the front door of the Yorozuya, the two deadpanned at the paper stuck on the tatami.

_- Currently away. We will be back when God-knows-when because things never go according to our plan, G, K, Glasses stand. – _

"Oh." Okita smirked. His eyes darkening every bloody second. "I see how it is. So you have decided to elope with Danna, haven't you, China?"

"They eloped. Where to? Where would they go with a glasses stand? More like, I never knew they have developed this kind of relationship together."

"It doesn't matter where." Okita said and turned back. Walking down the steps, he turned around to throw one last comment over his shoulder. "China is mine. Always is and always will be. I'll make sure I get her to remember that once I get her back on my palm again. As for Danna who dare to steal my wife… His head _will _catch on fire."

Kamui smirked and followed Okita down the stairs. _"_She is mine, bastard."

**Meanwhile, on the road to Osaka…**

"Hakushu!"

"Achoo!"

"Michael Jackson!"

"That's not a right way to do it, Kagura. Who sneezed and say Michael Jackson? If you are going to say a name, at least say it like 'Gin-chan is cool!' or something!"

"Gin-san, don't be ridi… Achoo! Who is talking behind our backs?!"

"I'll punch that person until their faces look like messed up sculpt… Angela Aki!"

"Stop it, brats! You are embarrassing me with all these sne… I see her underwear!"

"That is so wrong!"

**...** **A big misunderstanding?! How will Okita and Kamui get Kagura back?! What will become of Gintoki's hair?!...**

**See in Part 2!**

* * *

**Hi guys!**

**I got lots of reviews saying that I should do 3-Z Universe, and I've been trying to work on it as you wished! I want these one-shots to be done first, though. Sorry the other fan fics have got to wait. So thank you very much for the reviews and what else can I say? Please wait and read the 2 part! Love~ Moi.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter 4.2 (Part 2) Perm catches on fire easier than straight hair**

"We are finally here!" Kagura exclaimed and stretched her arms after a long ride. Gintoki yawned and scratched the back of his head while Shinpachi struggled with the bags of strawberry milk and sukonbu.

"Can you two help me out here?!"

"Tough luck," Gin answered. He looked at the map in his hand and stared off in the far direction. "Let's see… there's a bus stop up ahead… about 4 kilometers. You can manage even without our help, Shinpachi."

"HUH?! EXCUSE ME, DO I LOOK LIKE I CAN CARRY ALL YOUR USELESS BAGS BY MYSELF FOR 4 KM?!"

"You look like a nerd who can't even drag his ass up the school stairs without panting," Kagura said as she whipped up her parasol under the sun, "but you can't possibly make a lady like me do it, right? Be a man and do the right thing for once in your lonely life, Shinpachi!"

With that said the Yato woman and the perm head samurai walked off heartlessly. The poor glasses man was left with bags and tears. "I knew you only brought me here to carry your bags! I shouldn't have come. You guys are terrible!"

"You just know that?" Kagura asked and waved her hand back at Shinpachi without even looking at him. She took in a deep breath and felt the old pulses racing inside her. _Alright! Without Bakamui and Sadist following me around, I can finally do whatever I want again!_

That was of course, before she knew that there was a GPS planted inside her parasol.

* * *

**Kamui and Okita**

"Found ya~" Okita sang creepily as he stared at the screen with a beeping dot within the Shinsengumi headquarters. The dot indicated somewhere in Osaka. Kamui looked at his hated brother in-law and can't help but smirked.

"You are disgustingly obsessed with my sister. I mean, you seriously planted a GPS inside her parasol? How creepy is that?"

"A master has got to keep a tight collar on his dog." Okita stated plainly. "And don't you even dare think for a second that I don't know that you've got a tracking device on her hair bun. You are as dangerous as I am, you freaking pervert."

"A brother has got to keep tight watch on his sister. I won't let her disappeared for a second time. See, I took my eyes off her for a moment, and the next thing I know, she is married to a gutless bastard like you."

Okita replied with a dark chuckle and wrote Kagura's position on a piece of paper. "Okay, she stopped at a place call 'Natsu inn'. Huh, so our house is not good enough, you have to go destroying other places too, China?"

"Not to mention with that samurai." Kamui gritted his teeth bitterly. "Why not with me? What's so good about him? I should've done him in when I had a chance!"

"Not that it matters now. We will have _plenty _of chances to get back at Danna."

Okita got up from his seat and closed his laptop. _Oh, that useless samurai is soooooo going to regret eloping with my wife. I'm going to show him the definition of Hell!_

"Let's get going. I can't wait to see the look on his face."

* * *

**Back with the Yorozuya trio**

"Welcome to Natsu inn!"

"Haha… good… to be…. here…" Gintoki smiled sheepishly at the greeting from the inn owner. His tears nearly fell down his face when he got a good look at the run-down inn. The roof was nearly hanging in there (Gintoki: is that a body I see hanging on the satellite line). The goddamn door was moldy… if you can even consider it a door at all. The sign was hanging sideway and the word 'Natsu inn' looks more like 'Evil step father's butcher house'. The message R.I.P (Rest In Peace) gave out totally the wrong, yet, correct vibe all the same. But the worst of it all would probably be inn owner who is an old, short, stubby lady with the longest nose hair he has ever seen. Guys included. _What the hell is this?! I didn't expect it to be too good, but I at least expected a considerably young inn worker in here! Why the hell is this old lady the only one who works here?! Not that I mind, but she must have been born even before the dinosaurs roamed the Earth! How long does it take her to grow that nose hair, anyway?! Why is there a person hanging up on the roof? Why did I come here? Why do I keep reading the sign wrong? Eh? Did the inn lady just winked at me? I'm not imagining it, am I? I'm not! I can never fantasize an 89-million-something lady winking at me! Eh? She did it again?! Help me, mommy!_

Meanwhile, Kagura was picking her nose as Shinpachi ran down the hill with bags in his hand. The inn lady inspected Gintoki carefully and showed her rotted teeth. "Ah, my, this customer of mine has such nice, curly hair! You are so my type!"

At the word _type_, one of her teeth came flying out. It landed perfectly on Gintoki's shoes.

"Aha… haha… huh." _I can't do this, I want to go home! _"So… umm… what work will we be doing?"

The old lady led them inside the inn slowly and gave Gintoki another naughty look; which shook the poor samurai to the core. Then she opened the first room door and let the trio enter.

"You, young lady, will be sleeping here." She said to Kagura who nodded while shutting her parasol. Popping a piece of sukonbu in her mouth, she laid down her own futon and shuffled to the window.

Thank god for a nice view outside.

Then, the inn lady took Shinpachi to his room, which was about two more rooms away. "And this room is for you glasses stand and things. I see you brought quite a lot of extra stuff."

"Wait!" Shinpachi shouted. "Why am I being treated like those…"

The door shut before he can finish his sentence. The inn lady turned back to Gintoki – who almost jump out of his skin- and eyed him sweetly. Which was, In Gin's humble opinion, the word _terrifying_ would be underrating.

"So…" She lingered. "You room is that one over there… right beside mine…"

"…Excuse me?"

_She is coming down on me! She is definitely trying to make my own this miserable inn along with her until the day my nose hairs grow as long as hers! Kyaa!_

"Um… I would rather… you know… sleep with my wife." Gintoki lied, pointing at Kagura's room. He felt like having a heart attack. He can only hope that no one –especially Okita and Kamui- will ever find out the lie he dug up to protect himself at the desperate moment. _Kagura, God, Buddha, Devil Lord, please forgive me!_

The old inn lady narrowed her eyes. "I thought you said you weren't married?"

"Eh? I did? Must have been a mistake! Hahaha!"

"Anyhow," the old lady continued, "Spending some time apart from each other can save a marriage. You should sleep separately tonight. I will be waking you guys up and let you do your job early in the morning tomorrow, after all."

"Ah, but…"

"No buts!" The inn lady insisted. Pouting like a young teenager, she pointed to his room. "If you don't sleep in your room tonight as I tell you, I will really kick you out and let the trip you came here for be wasted Dakara ne! (Dakara ne- The famous tsundere line)."

Gintoki had never felt more miserable in his life.

* * *

**That night…**

Kagura was tossing in her sleep when the door to her room opened slightly. The light from the hallway spilled in and a shadow casted over her.

She rubbed her eyes. "Who is that?"

The shadow with his characteristic bouncy hair replied, "Kagura… Nemurenai aru (I can't sleep)."

"Gin- chan… what are you doing in my room late at night like this?"

Gintoki did not answer right away, but instead dragged his futon quietly and placed it right beside her. "I have been trying to sleep for the last two hours, yet, I can hear the sound of someone showering and humming right beside my wall. I had a pretty good idea of who it was, so I didn't even think to peek. Then, I smelled perfume… _perfume_, girl! Who puts on a freaking perfume right before they go to bed?! And that old lady had been tapping at my wall and calling me for a while now. I just can't do it. She is going to creep up in my futon so soon I won't even know what hits me… at least that's what my instinct told me anyway. So please… let me sleep here."

"Whatever…" She said, drifting off during Gintoki's long speech. The older man sighed in relief and snug into his futon. Then, all of a sudden, a sound came from the hallway.

"Sakata-san… where are you~"

…

"Holy fuck!" Gin screamed and jumped in Kagura's futon. Scared shitless, he buried himself in her blanket. "Kagura, do something! She is going to sink her teeth in my flesh at this rate!"

"Sakata-san~"

"Gin-chan said he is going out because his toilet broke! He is somewhere in the forest, taking a leak right now!" Kagura shouted back. The sound in the hallway halted, and slowly crept away.

"Thank you, God. You may have abandoned me in the bathroom when there are no toilet paper, but you did not forsaken me at time like these." He mumbled quietly.

"It's too hot! Get out of my futon already." Kagura said, annoyed. "I finally got away from Sadist and Kamui who stuck to me like a fat kid on chocolate, and now I have to deal with you?!"

"No way!" Gin yelled, clinging tighter around her waist with not even one dirty thought passing through his mind. "What if that monster hag comes back? What will become of your adorable Gin-chan?!"

The two wrestled for a while, but after that, sleepiness took over Kagura and she slowly drifted to sleep. Once the Yato woman stopped wiggling, Gin sighed and closed his eyes.

_Oh well, _he thought, _It's not like anyone is going to find out I cling to her like a kid because of some hag monster anyway. Not her husband and her brother…_

That was of course, before he knew that there was a GPS planted inside her parasol.

* * *

**Outside the window…**

Okita and Kamui were burning with rage. They were the two unstoppable, imperishable clump of energy. Kamui tossed his binocular aside and marched around angrily.

"He dare he clings to my sister like that?!"

"How dare he even exists on the same planet as my wife?!"

Pacing around, Kamui jumped with fury. "I need to do something about this!"

"By something…" Okita bit his lips and brought out Hijikata's Mayo-shaped lighter, "You mean this?"

Kamui smiled darkly. "Awesome. Not you, the lighter."

Then the two lifted up the window and crawled inside. Sneakily, Kamui pulled his sister from under her futon. Okita crouched down and lit the lighter vengefully.

"Say goodbye to your dear life, Danna!"

And then everything went up in flame.

* * *

**Two days after…**

By everything, the inn was included.

Actually, Gin has no regret about the inn part. The inn burning to ashes was okay. After all, the inn lady was arrested for being an illegal immigrant alien who has a taste of putting her prey in a cocoon five days before eating them. She especially prefers a man with silver hair. And Gin just knew he was not the first victim of this torment. And lucky not to be one.

The part he wasn't okay with was his hair. His freaking hair. Gone. In about five seconds. He woke up the moment the heat licked his head and out of fear, ran straight wall, covered in mold. That's the moment everything really went downhill. They managed to get Shinpachi out in time and the misunderstanding was cleared right after, but his hair will never grow back in time for the next week's episode.

How could they do this to him? He can't even tease Katsura, now that he has to be the one wearing a fucking toupee instead!

Crying and sobbing, he buried his (temporary) bald head in his pillow back at the Yorozuya. Never will he ever forgive those two monsters. Mark his words!

* * *

**Kagura, Okita and Kamui**

"You should've told us the details instead of just saying _I'm leaving_."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Don't gang up on me, creepy bastards. I'm going to buy new buns and a new parasol where there will be no tracking device or GPS attached to them!" Kagura yelled and kicked Kamui who was hugging her feet. _They have the gut to suspect me and Gin-chan of eloping? How disgusting!_

Okita laughed sadistically and hugged his wife's shoulder, feeling relief and calmer than ever. "Love you, China."

"Shut up!" She screamed and hit him square in the face. Kicking Kamui again, she ran off to the front of the house. "I'm going to be late today. Gotta go check up on Gin-chan again. I heard he is still sulking in his house."

Then she ran off, leaving Kamui and Okita alone.

Okita flicked the lighter in his hand. "What, so now Danna is more important than me?"

Kamui frowned. "That thing still works well, right, Earthling?"

* * *

**In a rush, so please COMMENT AND REVIEW!**

**:) Good day!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter 5 Being a terrorist is like being that popular high school girl… it takes a lot of unseen effort. **

Kagura was bored out of her mind.

This week -for better or for worse- both Okita and Kamui were busy. Her husband was working on capturing the terrorist group once and for all, while her brother was… well, believe it or not… busy with his space pirate work.

_"I'm so, so, sorry, sister dear." _Kagura recalled her brother apologizing while mountains of paper works swirled around him like a tornado. _"I don't want to leave you alone like this, but… but… They are going to take my killing license away! I'm going to finish this fucking job and then we can go to the Hippy Land together, okay?"_

Not that she cared. She didn't really want to go to Hippy Land (for 6 year old kid) anyway.

_"Look here, China." _Once again, she recalled her husband's hands waving in front of her while his subordinates clung to his legs with tears running down their faces. _"I have to go back to work after skipping it for nearly a week, otherwise Hijikata-san is going to fire me and I won't have a chance to kill him anymore. But I promise you, after I'm done with work, I'll bring his head back as a present, okay?"_

Not that she cared. She didn't really want that Moyora's head as a decorative item in her house anyway.

However, after those two set Gin-chan's hair on fire which resulted in him locking himself in his room, they are responsible to some extent, right? Kagura couldn't even go to work because of this! And she didn't want to drop by at Shinpachi's house right now because all that Megane ever talked about is his wife and baby. She was happy for him to finally step out of his virgin life and turned into a father, but she couldn't put up with him being paranoid over every little thing. Last time she went to visit his wife, the dude asked her to 'sanitize' herself with alcohol and wear a white gown. _A gown._ No way in hell.

Sighing, the Yato woman rolled over to her back._ This is so boring! _

Suddenly, a bright idea popped up at the back of her head like a light bulb. _That's right! I don't have to stay home all day! What are other characters in Gintama created for? They are there to be my slaves!_

With that thought, she grabbed her parasol and skipped out of her house.

* * *

**Down the Kabukichou street…**

"Hey, you terrorist!" Kagura called and waved her hand up and down at the well know terrorist, Katsura Kotarou. The man with long hair turned around and replied:

"Terrorist janai, Katsura da! (I'm not Terrorist, I'm Katsura!)"

"I see that you are not sick of that catch line yet. You should start developing your speech." She said while she sat down on the floor beside him. Even after she married the policeman, (much to Okita's displeasure) she still hangs out with her boss's terrorist friend, Katsura. Her marriage did not weakened their leader- curry ninja relationship, contrary, her marriage strengthen it.

Katsura pulled out his food stick and passed one to Kagura. The Yato woman popped it in her mouth and swallowed in one gulp.

"This taste even better than Shinsengumi sausage." She commented. "Which -by the way- are hidden in the freezer of their cabinet. You should go check there sometimes."

Of course, she was selling her husband out. Actually, Kagura had become the master mind of 'attacking Shinsengumi' as of late. As additional information, she was the one who planned and put glue inside their shoes last time.

Katsura nodded in agreement. "They are clearly not as smart as us, Leader."

"You got that right, Zura." Kagura said and tore her wrapper of another food stick. "Why are you here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be terrorising… I mean, working?"

"Yes, I'm developing a new weapon right now. This weapon will surely put the corrupted polices – no offense to your husband- to shame. Do you want to see it?"

"Sure! You know I'm really bored lately. With Gin-chan bald and all. Let's go see it."

* * *

**At the Joui factory**

"… and this is the newest invention." Said Katsura while gesturing at the fried chicken. "This fried chicken was invented with one purpose in mind… to give the Shinsengumi long-term diarrhea."

"It looks yummy."

"That's the point…. Leader, do not eat it!"

With that said, he pulled the fried chicken out of Kagura's hand before it can enters her mouth and give her two year of agony. He quickly pulled her to another room and introduced his new invention before she can start her rampage.

"This, over here, is a bubble gum that will lock their teeth together."

"Oh…"

"… Don't drool on it. And do not eat that too!"

Kagura pouted when the gum was taken away from her once again. Her stomach grumbled. "But you keep showing me food! What am I supposed to do?!"

"I'll feed you some more food stick after," Katsura promised and turned another way. "Now then, I'll just take you to the last stop where I keep my super cute robot dog of doom…"

But Kagura was not listening to him. Her attention was drifted to the big red button on the wall of her left side. Slowly, she lifted her hand up.

"Zura, what is this button for? It looks so… tempting."

"Eh? Oh, that. That's the factory destruction button. Do not press it no matter what, okay, Leader?"

_~Beep~_

…

"Oopsie."

"LEADER!"

**BOOM.**

* * *

After the factory bombed up, the Shinsengumi arrived on the scene and discovered the unbelievable sight where the wanted terrorist was sitting on top of the rubbish of the building, eating food stick with tears down his face along with their commander's wife. But that was nothing compared to Okita's face as he pulled his wife away from the possible crime scene. He tossed her in the car and drove home, breaking every law there are on the street in process. (Un) Fortunately, his car did not crash (but other cars did).

"What were you doing with that guy?" Okita asked with a low voice. Kagura bit on her last food stick.

"… Touring."

"Tour…? Stop eating that food stick. If you want something to eat, then eat the Shinsengumi's sausage!"

"Eh? But this taste so much better!"

Upon hearing this protest, the over jealous husband huffed and snagged the food stick away.

"Okay. That's it. I know what the problem is."

With big eyes, Kagura looked up at him hopefully. _So he finally figured out that I would rather eat food stick than the Shinsengumi sausage?!_

"… We didn't have our alone time as of late, huh? Is that why you wanted attention? You could've just said so instead of acting all childish like this, China."

"… Where are you thinking from, your earlobe? You stupid bastard!"

Okita ignored her insults and went on with his speech, "now that I think about it, we never went on our Honeymoon, did we? Right. We were busy fighting that alien octopus and I completely forgot about it after the wedding."

"Are you listening to me? I said I don't want to…"

"Let's go on the late Honeymoon, China. We can go to 'Vacation planet' and buy some new equipment to kill Hijikata-san with while we are at it too."

Kagura's mouth hang open as her husband paced over to the closet and pulled out three traveling bags. She couldn't believe he was this stupid. Was he always like this, or did this stupidity developed after she married him? As she opened her mouth to protest some more, he threw their clothes in the bags.

"Just think of this as a fun trip. If you can go on a business trip with Danna and hangs around that terrorist, then you can surely go on Honeymoon with me too." Okita made his point, leaving Kagura with nothing more to say.

Once they were done packing, Okita led the way to the front door quietly, hoping that he would not alarm the sis-con who would never let him and his wife be alone together. He slipped out of the house with great relief when Kamui's door did not open.

Unbeknownst to him, a shadow came out fom under the bush and followed them.

* * *

**Vacation Planet, amusement park.**

"You'd better make sure you poo yourself on that roller coaster ride or I swear I'll cut your stomach wide enough to feed a living families of maggot in there, do you understand me?"

"But… but…"

"If I don't smell your poo at the end of the ride, your insides will spill out on the floor." With that said, the smug Okita stalked away from his prey. As we all have already noticed, he was terrorising some poor civilian into doing a shame deed in public… again. For his own entertainment, Okita just couldn't let this pass.

When he sat down, Kagura- who was already locked in her seat- tilted her head to the side and asked him, "What were you doing?"

"Oh, just preparing you some present," he smirked, "You'll see…"

And that's when the roller coaster started moving up its track.

And then all hell broke loose.

"GYAAAAAA!" Okita screamed as he body flung back out of his seat. The only thing that was saving him from falling was his hands that were holding on to the seat.

Of course he forgot to secure himself before the God damn roller coaster started moving.

"HELP ME, CHINA!"

Kagura merely watched the sight of her husband's body swaying back and forth with evil laughter. "Is this the present you were talking about?! THIS IS THE BEST THING YOU HAVE EVER GIVEN ME, SADIST! BWAHAHAAHAH!"

"NO I'M SERIOUS! THE REASON WHY I'M A SADIST WAS BECAUSE I FEEL INSECURE ON THE INSIDE! YOU KNOW I'M ALL MUSHY MUSHY DEEP DOWN, RIGHT?! PLEASE!"

Kagura smiled sweetly as the wind whipped her hair around her face. Then, she reached out her hand and started prying Okita's finger off his seat. Okita screamed louder when his one hand was then flying behind him as well, and Kagura laughed got merrier when her husband was on the verge of dying.

"YOU REMEMBER THIS, CHINA!"

* * *

**Hotel room**

"That was so much fun!" Kagura laughed as she looked out the window. The two of them had a great time together, despite that uncool incident of Okita. Slowly, the man sneaked up behind his wife and put his arm around her.

"I'm glad you had fun. So, don't go hang out with other guys again, okay? Last time it was Danna, and the next it was a fucking terrorist? You are breaking the policeman's fragile heart over here."

Kagura pouted and looked at the view. "Possessive bastard."

Quietly, he sealed her lips with his. As the kiss grew more and more passionate, Okita used one hand to grab the back of Kagura's head and another to lift her leg up and wrapped it around his waist. Kagura ran her hand through his light brown hair and the two staggered toward the bed…

…when a sound of something sharp was heard.

"What was that?" Kagura mumbled between her breathes. She tried to pry herself away from Okita who was into the horny mode and wouldn't care about anything else right now.

"Who cares? It can be the end of the world, and I wouldn't give a shit."

"No, seriously." She said in a curious tone. Then, slowly, the couple looked down under the hotel's bed.

Sure enough, under the bed, was Kamui lying down there. He looked up from his polished knife which was glinting and smiled grimly. "Oh, please pretend I'm not even here, okay?"

He nodded to Okita. "Make sure you make a good use of _that thing_ of yours, because this is going to be the last time you get to use it. You hear me, Earthling?"

Quietly, Okita led his shocked wife out of the room and closed the door behind. From the outside hallway, Kamui heard this:

"Don't worry. I had a feeling he was going to follow us, so I rented another room upstairs. Smart, huh, China?"

Upon hearing that, Kamui hurriedly wiggled and tried to get out from under the bed. To his amazement, he could not. His body was tightly stuck under than small space between the bed and the floor.

"Um… hello?" He called. No one came to his rescue.

He struggled harder, but noting he did can get him out of there.

That night, Kamui the sis-con sobbed himself to sleep alone with half of his body sticking out from under the bed.

* * *

**Well then!**

**A little bit of OKiKagu fan service. I'm sorry I couldn;t write more than that for fear of being censored (and simply because I just blushed so much and the blood rushing to my face prevented me from writing more). See you soon!**

**PLEASE LEAVE ME SOME REVIEWS!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Between Ice and Fire **

**Chapter 6 All that awesome shit**

"Congratulations, Okita-san, you are pregnant!" Said the nurse, clearly expecting some tears- jerking reaction from the pretty woman in front of her and the handsome man who she assumed must be her husband, since the two were dressed in the matching Chinese clothes.

"Excuse me?" Kagura asked, rubbing her ears, "oh, I lack pigment in my hair! Silly me! But that doesn't explain why I keep getting nauseous and morning sickness, now, does it? "

"No, let me say this again. You are pregnant!" The nurse announced again cheerfully and turned to Kamui. "You must be Okita-san, right? I'm very happy to tell you that your wife is now two months pregnant. Things are looking great!"

"He's not…" Kagura began, but then decided to stop when she saw that warped look of pure horror upon her brother's face, like when Gintoki found out that he was trolled. _Oh well, _she thought while scratching her head, _I'll let him have a moment to himself._

Kamui felt like he has just been thrown out of the universe into an endless black hole. Felt like a meteor has just been pulled out from his ears. Felt like he just puked a Godzilla. Felt like his finger nails just turned into butterflies. Felt like he has just been stabbed by the unicorn. Felt like a sea lion just swallowed his legs. Felt like his braid is no longer long enough to bitch slap someone with. Felt like his hair just turned pink. Felt like he just ran around the world naked.

All that awesome shit that no one can ever dreamt of happening to them happened to Kamui, packed within eight seconds of his life.

Then he felt like crying.

"WHY~~~!" He wailed, shocking the poor nurse. "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, SISTER DEAR!"

"I have no idea." Kagura responded and shoved her brother away. "I knew that the damn Sadist wanted to get me knocked up so I have always been careful about it, then when did… it must have been from our Honeymoon!"

Kamui's mouth opened even wider. _I was stuck under the bed when my sister was being… being… being… impregnated?! _

If Kamui could shoot laser beam out of his eyes, he would. But unfortunately, he did not go to the doctor for eyes surgery before he decided to stalk his sister who left the house early and quietly this morning. Little was he prepared for…. _This_.

"Um…" The nurse began, unsure of the situation now. "So you guys are sibling? Are you living together?"

"For now." Kagura replied.

"Okay. Please listen to me then, sir. Pregnant woman needs a lot more care and attention than most people do. Firstly, you must give her nutritious food everyday…"

"Hold on," Kamui said with his voice crackling, "my sister dear is pregnant, woman! We must be preparing for something else other than veggies and fibre crap!"

"Like what?"

"Can't you see?! This is the end of the world as we know it!"

"THE WORLD IS ONLY ENDING FOR YOU, DUMBASS!" the nurse shouted, "THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF NEW LIFE FOR THIS BABY!"

"A painful one it'll be. I'm sorry your uncle is an idiot." Kagura mumbled to her stomach. Kamui took in a deep breath and decided to settle down once again in his chair.

_Oh, shit. My sister dear is really pregnant. What now? Do I kill the Earthling first, or do I destroy the universe first?_

The nurse sighed and handed Kamui a sheet of paper. "All the instructions you need in order to take care of the pregnant woman is in here. Please read it and follow it carefully, Mr. Brother."

* * *

**Out on the street:**

_First: Avoid exposure to any dangerous substance such as smoke from cigarette or a place clustered with germs._

Kamui read it over, and then looked around the busy street. Strangely enough, he did not see people, but just moving germs instead. Everywhere he looked; it looked dangerous enough to harm Kagura.

"Sister, let's get out of this street for now."

"What are you talking about? How are we going to get home then?" Kagura asked under her parasol. Kamui leaned in close to her until their parasol touched to heroically shield his sister from any germs coming her way. Then, Kagura's eyes lit up. "Hey, MADAO!"

MADAO (a.k.a. Hasegawa) lifted up his head from the dumpster he was burying his head in to look for food. When he saw Kagura, he flashed a smile and walked over with a small wave.

"What's up, Kagura…"

"DO NOT TOUCH MY SISTER DEAR, YOU FILTHY BEING!" Kamui charged and stepped on Hasegawa's face. The poor unemployed man fall back and crashed to the ground. Kagura's mouth hung open and she was still in shock when Kamui grabbed her hand and ran away, screaming, "This place is too dangerous for you!"

Finally, the two came to a stop in the park where everything looked a bit more acceptable to Kamui. Kagura wiped her sweat and swore.

"God. What the hell is wrong with you…"

Just then, Kamui's antenna radar caught onto something else approaching them. He turned and saw…

Hijikata the cancer producer with that little equipment of dooms called 'cigarette' hanging down from his mouth.

Hijikata noticed the two siblings and paced casually toward them, "Hey, have you seen Sougo? He skipped work agai…"

"DO NOT TOUCH MY SISTER DEAR, YOU CANCEROUS BEING!" Kamui roared and ran over Hijikata like a boar. The unprepared policeman staggered back many steps and ended up in the fountain.

"What the hell is wrong with…" Hijikata began, but never get to finish his sentence when Kamui whipped his face with a parasol until his cigarette flew out of his mouth.

"Holy shit! BaKamui, stop this madness!" Kagura yelled. First, she was entertained, but when her brother showed no signs of stopping and showed possibility of being a parasol-murderer in the day light instead, she stepped in. That's when Kamui stretched out his arm like a perimeter to keep Hijikata's distance from Kagura.

"You mustn't come near his tainted lungs any further, sister dear! I shall take this dangerous paper rolled rod to the Shogun Palace and get your friend to ban it from Earth… wait, I'll make it a whole universe!"

"You are ridiculous!" Kagura shouted angrily at him, embarrassed by the fact that she was being treated like some fragile girl from the anime Amnes*a. _This sexist pig! How dare he belittle me!_

With that burst of energy, she turned around and walked away from Kamui at a speed of light. Kamui let go of Hijikata and went running after his sister.

Gintoki happened to walk into the park and saw Hijikata lying face down in the water.

"Um… What the hell are you doing, Ougushi-kun?"

No response.

"Are you doing some sort of undercover crap again? I can totally see your butt sticking out."

No response.

Gin scratched his head and decided to ignore Hijikata, but his eyes caught a small slip of paper on the floor. He picked it up lazily and then went into the whole new transformation of his life.

Gintoki felt like he has just been thrown out of the universe into an endless black hole. Felt like a meteor has just been pulled out from his ears. Felt like he just puked a Godzilla. Felt like his finger nails just turned into butterflies. Felt like he has just been stabbed by the unicorn. Felt like a sea lion just swallowed his legs. Felt like his new grown hair just turned into something worse than perm (bald). Felt like his hair just turned gold. Felt like he just ran around the world naked, with a note of strawberry only to cover his naked mini Gintoki down there.

All that awesome shit that no one can ever dreamt of happening to them (may with an exception to Kamui) happened to Gin, packed within eight seconds of his life.

On the paper:

_Patient: Okita Kagura_

_Cause: Two months pregnant_

_Expecting to deliver in: November_

_..._

And then he felt like crying.

* * *

**Home**

_Second: the key to healthy woman and baby is healty food._

"Listen to me; you will not say a word to Sadist about my pregnancy no matter what, okay?"

Kamui tilted to his head to the side while chopping carrots on the cutting board. "Sure, but why?"

Kagura gritted her teeth. "I told you that the Sadist wanted to get me knocked up. I won't let him live with this satisfaction until it can no longer be hidden from him."

"So it's our secret." Kamui nodded approvingly and put down the soup bowl. Kagura regarded the fried cabbage, salad, tomato soup, rice, tofu, and banana (for dessert) on the table and then an angry mark appeared on her forehead.

"Stupid brother, what the hell is this shit?"

"It's your pregnant meal, of course. And don't use such impolite words in front of the baby, please."

"Since when the fuck do you care about my vocabulary and health?! I can't eat this green stuff! I'm pregnant, but sick!"

"From now on," Kamui said as he glanced at the instructions in his hand, "you will eat only healthy meal. I will be the one to prepare your food. You will go to bed at 8:30 every night, and I will be the one to read your bedtime story. You will wake up and six and go onto the morning walk with me before any car and come on the street and pollute the air. You will watch the DVD on how to raise healthy child and I will buy you a book called 'Looking after your teen child while they go through puberty'. And oh, let's open an account for keeping this kid's education fund as well. I'll think of the password."

Kagura can feel her head spinning like crazy as she catch on to the information her brother just spat at her. "You are crazy! Why are we already saving for education fund…"

All of a sudden, the front door opened. "Hey, China, China2, I'm back… is that _vegetable_ I'm smelling?"

Kamui growled and Kagura devoured her food in one motion.

"Y… Yo, you are back late today!" Kagura greeted in the unnatural way. Okita lifted his eyebrow but replied:

"Yeah, some genius almost whacked Hijikata-san to death in the park today, but his cheeks are to swollen to be able to say anything, so we don't know who did it. Heh. It must have been the devil I summoned back then."

Kagura wanted to tell him that the devil he was talking about was currently the devil in the kitchen that was giving Okita a glare of death, but decided not to when she calculated that she must also tell him about the reasons and that might trace back to her being pregnant as well. Kamui, meanwhile, was polishing his knife while mumbling a chain of curse under his breath.

"Great seven heavens whose power is beyond the universe and all those who believe in Shamans and evil spirit, send forth your evil intentions into this knife. Answer to my holy call and may your evil deeds be direct towards all young girls' mortal enemy, Okita Sougo…"

When the knife started to release a menacing dark aura, Kagura got up and walked out of the room for her unborn baby's safety.

"I'm just going to go to bed…"

"Wait." Okita called while he threw down his jacket, "I'm going with…"

"DO NOT TOUCH MY SISTER DEAR, YOU BI SHOUEN BEING!" Kamui barked, speeding through the house like a flying kunai at a brutal speed. He grabbed Okita by his collar and announced, "I will sleep in the same room as my sister dear from now on, and you will not interfere with anything I do around this house or give my sister any food other than healthy ones. YOU HEAR ME?!"

"What's gotten into you?" Okita asked, brushing Kamui's hands off him casually. "She is wife…"

"And my sister." Kamui smiled darkly. "Touch her, and you die."

Kagura sped out of the room, leaving the two men arguing and hearing the crashing sound in the house continuously all night. In bed, she can't help but wonder:

_Is there a reason for Kamui's obsession with pregnancy?_

* * *

**So, what do you think is the reason for Kamui's obsession with pregnancy? That will be revealed in the next final chapter!**

**Thank you for reading up until now! I really enjoy writing and recieving feedbacks from you guys! **

**PLEASE COMMENT & REVIEW, UH HUH!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Between Ice and Fire**

**Chapter... End?**

"China, you are pregnant, ain't you?" Asked Okita one day during breakfast. This question occurred three months after his wife's pregnancy.

Kagura sighed. Kamui slammed down his bowl.

"What a stupid question. You think an impotent creature like you can make baby with my sister?" Kamui wiped his mouth, "well, you are wrong. I want second bowl."

"You finally noticed, Sadist?" Said Kagura, totally ignoring her brother's words, "took you long enough."

"Why didn't you tell me? Oh, were you shy?"

"Because I know you have always wanted to get me knock up! Bastard! You're lucky I haven't ripped your manhood to pieces!"

Okita smiled. _I knew it. My Chinese Mafia wife is just a little shy. No wonder her Seiyuu won terthe title 'Queen of Tsundere'._  
"Anyways, I'm glad Hijikata-san's killer is finally being born into this world. He or she would probably be a celebrity. But, as happy as I am, I must go eliminate any obstacles that stand in the way of our child's future. Starting from humiliating Hijikata-san today." With that said, the policeman stood up and kissed his wife on her forehead, not as lovingly as would make him OOC, of course. During the kiss, he also secretly wiped his snot on her dress.

Kamui almost flipped the table at that sight.

After Okita left, Kagura picked his snot off, using tissues.

Not that she would ever tell him she spat at his collar when he was leaning down to kiss her.

"I guess three months are probably the best I can do to hide it from him."

"Had we killed him, he would probably never found out." Kamui smiled.

Kagura nodded in agreement. That is a wise idea, but then she'll just be a widow with one stupid brother and one little baby. And where's the fun in that?

Kagura pretend to drank water and glared at Kamui at the same time. Despite all the carefree actions in this house, she is still suspicious of her brother. Last time, when everything had seemed so normal, he left her. Besides, Kamui's overprotective nature over her baby has begun to worry Kagura a little. Just to be sure, she would keep an eye on him.

_I would never be so carefree as to make the same mistake again._

* * *

**Three months later: Afternoon**

Kagura's eyes were wide open.

_Oh my Yato God. Oh my Sukonbu. _

Sitting on the couch, the Yato woman had just read a story of Hansel and Gretel. Two little kids left alone in the wood and captured by a witch who lured them with a freaking Candy house. Clearly, the witch is a Lolicon. The Lolicon witch locked Hansel in a cell, and fed him so that he would grow fatter to be a good enough meal for her. In the end, she meets a miserable death in a fire.

But it's not the Lolicon part that concerned her. It's the part where the witch was trying to groom her prey into something tastier.

That's exactly what Kamui was doing to her unborn baby.

He fed her good food, took her to bed early, made her do zoomba dances every morning. All of that was for Kagura to have a healthy baby. It made perfect sense. Kamui was trying to groom her baby into a strong fighter that he could fight against.

Rage went through her body. And before Kamui knew what was coming, Kagara stormed through the house into the kitchen.

"Kamui, you bastard! I knew you have dirty intentions with you all along! How dare you, you pig scumbag!"

"Woah!" Kamui dodged a piece of brick heading his way. "Calm down. Is the hormone taking over you? Fight off the hormone, sister dear!"

"Shut up!" Kagura yelled, throwing another Chinese teacup at her brother, "you are trying to groom my baby into a fighter, aren't you? You Lolicon! You are planning to make my baby into a Yato killer!"

Kamui stopped in his track. Beads of sweat ran down his shirt. _Oh, crap. She found out._

"No such thing, sister dear. I never plan to groom the baby into a super duper steroids fighter and then challenge him into a battle over the universe fifteen years from now. Never!"

Kamui's antenna twitched.

"FUCKING MONKEY!" Kagura screamed and hurled a laundry machine at Kamui. At this point, Kamui was running on the kitchen counter while trying to find excuses.

"Okay. So maybe I had that plan running through my mind for a few seconds…. Or maybe for the past few months. But that was only because I thought this boy would be happy to play super heroes games with his uncle." Said Kamui with a smile.

Kagura stopped. Considering that for less than a speed of light before starting to throw chains (from Okita's play room) at him again.

" 'This boy'? What if my baby is a girl?!"

"Then I won't play with her!"

"What's wrong with playing with a girl, you sexist pig?! Are you saying that girls can't play super heroes games?"

"Well, sure they can. But you were against that earlier, weren't you, sister dear? What do you want me to do? Play tea party with her while slipping steroids doses into her tea?"

That only made it worse. Angrily, Kagura lifted the heaviest item in the house.

Refrigerator, Goddess of storing food.

Kamui scooted back; preparing to be hit with food he loved most. But then, all of a sudden, Kagura dropped the refrigerator and kneeled down to the ground.

"Ow… Oww…"

"… Sister dear? Are you Okay?"

No respond. Kamui began to worry and popped his head from behind the counter. "Um, sister?"

Once he couldn't hear her respond this time, Kamui jumped over and rushed to his sister's side. There, on the floor, Kagura was lying down while holding her stomach, moaning in pain. Kamui felt blood rushing to his head. His world went spinning, and he panicked like never before.

"Oh my word." Kamui's mouth hung open after a realization hit him, "you're not giving birth, are you? You are only six months pregnant! What happened to another three months where I get to slip growth catalyst into your food?"

"Shut… the fuck up… and get me … help…"

"Oh my word. Oh my god." Kamui stood up, dizzily rampaged around the room. He couldn't even bring himself to smile anymore. After stammering around for a while, one solution came to him like a light bulb. A solution he knew would solve everything.

"I need to call Abuto!"

With that said, the older orange head Yato rushed to the phone which was not too far away and dialed in his subordinate's number.

_"… Hello?"_

"Abuto, oh my word, it's me. Your handsome boss."

_"Yes, Taichou. What do you want from me now? More money, more food, or would you ask me how much protein is contain in a cow like last time?"_

"I want to know what to do with a woman in labor. What do I need?"

_"Well, for starters, you need to get hot water… wait, why are you asking me this?"_

"Because my sister dear is giving birth at home right now."

_"…"_

"…"

_"ARE YOU DUMB!? WHY ARE YOU ON THE PHONE WITH ME RIGHT NOW?! GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL, DAMMIT!"_

"WELL YOU SHOULD'VE TOLED ME EARLIER, JACKASS!"

After shouting back, Kamui hung up violently. Desperate, nervous, and excited, he ripped off the front door as though it was a toilet paper. "Just hold on, okay, sister?"

After tying his sister to it, the Yato man awkwardly lifted the door over his head and ran out to the famous Edo hospital.

* * *

**Two hours later:**

The place was crowded with everybody Kagura ever knew. They all sat there with serious faces, especially Shinpachi, Gintoki, Kamui and Okita. Kagura was in the operating room for two hours now, and there was still no sign of her coming out.

While sitting around with a grim face and dark, small smile, Kamui recalled the first sentence he said after he reached the hospital.

_'Cure my sister dear right now if you don't want to be bitch slap to death with my braid.'_

Meanwhile, Okita crouched alone in the corner, isolated from the rest. He hated the hospital. It was where his sister, Mitsuba, died. And now his wife is also in grave danger. How can this place ever guarantee his wife's safety, if it can't save his sister?

Time passed and passed. Finally, after a long wait, one doctor walked into the hallway.

Gin, Kamui, and Okita rushed over and grabbed the poor doctor's collar.

"Wha… What are you doing…?! Is this an assault?!"

"It will be one soon," said Gin, smiling with no humor, "if you don't tell me what's going on with the patient inside there."

Okita took out his sword and aimed at the doctor's neck while Kamui cracked his knuckles. Frightened, the poor soul rummaged through the papers on his clipping board, before his face will turn deadly white once he'd read the in content.

"I'm…. so…. sorry to say that… the patient has lost too much blood… and… the patient is… is… dead."

"WHAT?!"Everybody screamed in shock.

Otae dropped to the floor first with tears running down her face.

"No, Kagura-chan can't be dead!"

"That's right!" Shinpachi yelled, shaking heavily, "Our Kagura-chan is very strong! She can't… can't…"

Gintoki slammed the doctor into the wall. Meanwhile, Okita dropped his katana. His eyes wide open.

_China…_

Kamui's sadistic smile faded away, only a blank, confused look remained. He took many steps back and bumped into a hard wall behind him.

_My sister is... my sister dear that I've cared for all these times have… because of me…?_

Gintoki gritted his teeth. With his fists shaking, he kicked the wall beside the doctor, making a big hole in process.

"Don't fuck around, Doc! Kagura… Kagura can't be dead!"

"… Kagura?" The doctor repeated confusedly after a while, "Who are you talking about?"

"… Eh?"

"Wait," said the doctor, once again looking through the paper in his hands before pulling one out, "are you not the cousins of Prince Baka… I mean, Hata, who got trampled by elephants and left to be run over on the street by a ten-wheel truck?"

Everybody stopped mourning and looked up. "Um, no?"

"Oh," the doctor scratched his head. "Whoops. There must have been a mix up. Mrs. Okita Kagura has just given birth safely and is resting in the room… OW!"

"WHAT THE HELL, DOC!" Yelled Shinpachi and Gintoki, both stomping on the doctor cruelly, "DO WE LOOK LIKE AN ALIEN WITH ANTENNA STICKING OUT OF OUR HEADS?! DO WE LOOK LIKE WE ARE RELATED WITH THAT IDIOTIC PRINCE?!"

"China!" Okita mumbled and made a run to the room, but was stopped by the other doctor.

"Wait, please! You can't come in unless you are the patient's family!"

"I'm her dearest husband." Said Okita while pushing the doctor aside and entered the room.

"I'm her beloved brother." Said Kamui, smiling, "get in the way and I'll kill everyone in this goddamn hospital."

"I'm her gray hair dad." Said Gintoki.

"I'm her glasses dad." Said Shinpachi.

"Wait, she has two dads?" Asked the doctor, but was discarded by Otae who followed behind.

"I'm her Anego."

"I'm her Anego's husband who will undergo sex-change operation as soon as I can find a di*k." Said Kyubei.

"I'm her gorilla pet."

"Arf Arf (let me through, bitch. I'm her real pet dog)."

"I'm her stepmother who was married to the gray hair dad. The name is Sacchan!"

"Then, I guess I'm the mistress of the gray hair dad. You look familiar. Are you from Yoshiwara too?"

"I'm MADAO. Stands for Mon And Dad And Optional."

"(Kazoku janai, Katsura da!) I'm not family, I'm Katsura! … and I'm entering anyway."

After a while, the list began to spin like crazy. Soon, Everybody get to be in the room as they wished, surrounding Kagura and her newly born baby who looked incredibly healthy with brown hair and azure eyes.

"Wait," Said Gin, "How come the baby is so healthy even though he's born three months early?"

"That's because she's a Yato and her husband is a human… or maybe, was he from planet of Sadists? Anyway, Yatos actually have much shorter pregnancy time than human, so the baby was born at the unaccountable time." Said one of the doctor. "Seems like some genius forgot that fact."

"It's not my fault. I was still young when my mom was pregnant with Kagura, so I wouldn't know." Said Kamui with a slight smile when everyone in the room turned and glared at him angrily.

Meanwhile, Okita rubbed Kagura's forehead and looked at her with gentle eyes. "So, China, what should his name be?"

"Jugem Jugem.." Started Kyubei.

"I think his name should be Sora, which means 'Sky'." Kagura said with a small smile. " 'So' from Sougo. 'Ra' from Kagura. See, I'm actually more sensitive than you'd think."

"That's a good name. Quite alright for someone with a brain as small as yours."

"Said what, you bastard?! You little…"

Soon, laughter and screams of pain filled the hospital. It was a happy ending for Okita and Kagura… maybe not so much for Kamui who still has to suffer from his sister's choice in life. But even so, the world continues to spin, and Sora would grow day by day as a happy child…

… maybe to become Hijikata's killer.

**The End.**

* * *

**Hi! Long time no update. I have an excuse.**

**My brother broke my computer two months ago... which means that this last chapter was also stuck in there and could not be retrieve. So I had to rewrite the whole thing from my memory down in my pod and update it throgh the library's computer. Not cool.**

**Anyhow, here it is and I hope you enjoyed it. This is going to be my last fanfic for a while, and we'll see if I have any other ideas worth putting down.**

**Love you all and please leave me COMMENTS and REVIEWS!**

**BYE! see you all soon! :)**

P.S.

Sorry, Prince Hata. I don't have anything against you. Really.


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